if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
