Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
