if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
