i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think your dad took our porno
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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