I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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