I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
