I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
