Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
