Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
