I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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