I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
