She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
