We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
