I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
