They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
