Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
