i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
