there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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