I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it's like heaven, but drunker
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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