so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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