I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
