I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
