im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
