He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
