i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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