it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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