there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
