he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
