what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
