no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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