He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
