Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
