The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
