Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I need moral support for this bender
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
