U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As shirtless as possible
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
