A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
