Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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