exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sext me about skeletons
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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