Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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