i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
