wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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