I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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