i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
