Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
