Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
