i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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