I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Pooping to opera.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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