someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
