i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
