Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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