So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
