I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
